Sunday, January 30, 2011

It has taken me by surprise.

So I am on this journey of 'I want a baby, but I have issues'. I mean, we all have issues, but I have DNA issues, folic acid issues. thyroid issues, and blood clotting issues and the list goes on.  I know some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Things that are stopping you from carrying a baby to full term. Things that make it extremely difficult to have a baby or at least a healthy baby.

I had my first miscarriage in 2004. My OB told me not to worry because I was young and healthy. She said it happens to a lot of women in their first pregnancy. I became pregnant 8 months later and gave birth 8 months after that to my beautiful son! What a blessing and miracle! We planned both of those pregnancies so it was disheartening when I lost the first baby, but my son brought me so much joy that I never thought about miscarriage at all.

I never thought about miscarriage for 4 years...
Miscarriage was a huge part of my life in 2010. I became pregnant in October of 2010 and it was so exciting! I had a lot of dizziness and a BIG scare at the er when a nurse told me the ultrasound showed that my baby was too close to my tube to survive. She said I would undergo surgery that night to have 'it' removed. It was so stressful. I stayed overnight at the hospital. The physician came in the morning, I had an ultrasound and the physician said that my baby had plenty of room to grow in the uterus. My husband and I got to see/hear the heartbeat on the ultrasound that day.  It was a special day.

22 days later, after an awkward ultrasound, I was told that my baby had no heartbeat. I had three options; to have a d and c, to take medication to speed up the process, or let it occur naturally at home.  What a sick feeling. I wondered how this could happen? My doctor was very sweet and escorted me out the back door of the office. It was a sorrowful day and week, to say the least. I miscarried on the day after Christmas. I hid the issue from my family and son so everyone could have a happy Christmas. My husband was strong for me. He and I went through it together.  I missed lots of work and wondered what were the odds that it was happening to me again...6 years later?
Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a very confusing and very painful year ahead.